so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Randomize
