Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
