I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
