Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
