she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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