So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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