He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Thank you for not boning my boss.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
