I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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