I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
