also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
