Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
false alarm, still single
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
