WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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