My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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