I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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