to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
