i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
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He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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