So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
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