I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
