forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I will die if light touches me.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
There's a naked man in my car right now.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
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