i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
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