....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
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