I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
