your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
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