This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Found the puke drawer
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
