He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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