I am midnight drunk by noon
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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