The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
