Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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