In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
