I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
