even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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