things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize
