I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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