Sry I called you an 8
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Randomize
