my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
