your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
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Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
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I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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