I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
