i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
