If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
