Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
