i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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