if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
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