I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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