my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize
