The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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