If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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