i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
It's blow job season.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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