Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
