That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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