We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
