Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
