my vag is so smooth its legendary
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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