Kiss
Puke
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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