Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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