I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
