I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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