DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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