so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
