I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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