i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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