I am in a vortex of obligation.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Randomize