my soul wont recognize me after tonight
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
