I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
