is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
