I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
