You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
