You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
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