Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
