Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
