in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
