What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
