I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
