One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
