Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
