& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
